Dear engaged couple—I don’t want to put you in a tailspin of gloomy thoughts, particularly if right now you are excitedly planning your wedding. You may not be thinking philosophically or theologically about anything. You have made a deliberate attempt to set aside for now political agendas, or religious notions. You’re thinking about dress alterations, and table decorations, not the high number of children who live below the poverty level in this country, or Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount! I don’t think you are narcissistic—just realistic. The time is at hand. Soulful issues, justice issues, will have to wait until you have said your “I do’s.” .
Still, once you are married, you will have to figure out how you are going to relate to the world beyond your front door—with fear? With compassion?, With anger? or a little of everything?
Philosophical insights about love and, maybe, marriage too!
I have just recently read a sermon by one of my heroes, Martin Luther King, Jr. Since it has to do with love and you are IN love, I thought I would share the gist of some of what Martin has to say. Again, no need to act on anything-yet. But remember to turn back to this blog after the honeymoon. It is important. Even better, buy or borrow the book, Strength to Love, which is a compilation of some of Martin Luther King, Jr.s’. greatest Sermons.
What kind of love will you enjoy in YOUR marriage?
In his sermon, “Loving your Enemies,” Martin says that there are actually three kinds of love-these have different names in the ancient Greek. Maybe you’ve heard of them already. There is eros-the kind of love that you share with your beloved—this is romantic love and it is wonderful. Count yourself blessed that you share this kind of love with another person. Then there is philia—or brotherly love. Philial love is a reciprocal love. We like or love the other and that feeling is returned to us. Count yourselves blessed again, if you enjoy this kind of love.
Finally there is Agape love. That is the kind of love that Martin says is “an understanding creative, redemptive goodwill for all people. An overflowing love which seeks nothing in return.” If you have ever been active in a church, this is the kind of love-agape-that we are encouraged to share with each other. Fraternity and sorority members enjoy this kind of Agape love. Maybe you have enjoyed agape love in the military with your fellow servicemen and women, or on a work team within a corporate organization. Most times this, too, is love to be enjoyed, savored. It gives you good vibes. But agape love can also be the difficult love you try to muster after someone has treated you badly. You extend that kind of love to the other, because you come from a place of empathy; maybe because that other needs love so badly; or maybe you love the other, even your enemy, because you anticipate a time when the love you extend, will be honored and maybe even returned. Finally, maybe you love agapically (I know that isn’t a word, but you get the gist) because your faith requires that you do so.
Considering love and marriage
As I said, this is something for you and your significant other to at least consider in the years to come as you create your life together. Will your home be a place of welcome for all? Will it sometimes be a refuge for the sick and/or hurting? Will you welcome the stranger in? Deep thoughts, deep questions for sure.
As always, Happy Wedding Planning!
Your Wedding Preacher
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