Premarital Counseling is not the end all—In other words, it is not the sure-fire thing you can participate in if you are to have a successful marriage. Don’t mean to pop your bubble, but it’s true. I OFFER premarital counseling., so I am not trying to dissuade you, I promise. But, premarital counseling, at least the kind I offer, is just an opportunity for you to talk to each other—share information, in a friendly environment. There’s no magic. I am there to lead you into some perhaps, uncomfortable territory, and to occasionally mirror back to you what you have said—or ask you to explain further. In other words, in premarital counseling sessions, I ask the questions, but then I pretty much sit back and let YOU do the talking. That means that the quality of the premarital counseling sessions I offer, is pretty much up to you—much depends on your honesty and the thoughtfulness of your answers.
Some of the questions I ask, in a prepared format: “What is it that you want to take with you into your marriage, from your family of origin?” “How did your parents solve disagreements?” Do you think that is healthy or not? If you are living together, I will ask you, “How are you going to deal with finances here on out? After your marriage, will you have one joint account? Or, will you have two personal “play” accounts, and one joint account for paying the rent, the mortgage, paper towels? If the latter, how will you determine how much goes into that joint account? Will your contributions be based on percentages (If your salaries are wildly disparate), or will you contribute the same amount? I will ask you, “How often do you need to
check in with each other? Twice a day? Once a day? How do you prefer to check in? Phone call? Text? Do you want children?”
As I said, premarital counseling does not mean your marriage is 100% secure. And, certainly, you and your beloved can hold your own premarital counseling sessions, without a counselor—Whether you hire a counselor or not, be sure to talk through important topics, like money, like how to solve differences, topics that need to be broached BEFORE the wedding. If that seems a little uncomfortable for you, just give me a call. It’s what I do.
Happy wedding planning!
Your Wedding Preacher for Hire