Dear Engaged Couple—If you are looking for a movie to see that will help you avoid those inevitable pitfalls in married life, may I recommend Hope Springs. It stars Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones—a powerhouse of acting talent if ever there was one. My goodness do they play their roles well! Meryl and Tommy Lee, aka Kay and Arnold, have been married for 31 years. You know almost immediately that their marriage is tiring to the point of tedium, monotonous to the point of mind-numbing, when their grown children ask them what they got each other for their 31st anniversary. It turns out they gave each other a new cable subscription! Whoopdee do! Quite the thing for a couple who spends every night at home watching reruns!
Kay yearns for some electricity in her marriage, and so she seeks out Steve Carell, a renowned marriage therapist. Now here you are thinking—“Ok, so this is a comedy.” In fact, it really isn’t. I saw the movie with a friend and we both agreed that most of the movie was painful to watch—it is so very true-to-life for so many couples—think your parents, or the couple down the block, your boss and his wife, the store clerk and her husband. If the movie’s advertisers had asked ME, I would have billed it “A cautionary tale about how two people over time can fall out of love.” However, I will tell you now, so that maybe you will be encouraged to rent the thing, it DOES have a happy ending. I don’t have time to list all the pitfalls in Kay’s and Arnold’s marriage, but here are some that stood out:
1) The couple sleeps in separate bedrooms—dead give away that something is amiss
2) They don’t touch each other
3) Their gift-giving is impersonal and much too practical
4) He doesn’t listen to her (Sorry guys, this is one of married women’s biggest complaints.)
5) Their brief discussions filled with mono syllabic words—concern what needs to be done, or has been done, not around what each other FEELS
6) They never affirm each other, i.e. “Fine dinner tonight. Loved the roast. Or, is that a new tie you’re wearing? It’s great.”
I know, I know you are in love . Certainly this is not a true characterization of your relationship NOW. That’s the key word, NOW. It might just be one day. Mark my words—habits form early. Better to find out now, what makes for a good marriage—and one that will be happy, fulfilling and satisfying through the years. Rent the movie.
I’ll get off my soap box now. Many, many blessings your way now and in the years to come.
Your Wedding Preacher
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